Fandom: Okane ga Nai.
Warnings: Smut, seme/uke dynamics and stockholm syndrome thingy. It IS Okane ga Nai, people.
Summary: Ayase thinks that, if he could, he'd like to not be a thing for Kanou-san.
Notes: Written for springkink: Okane ga Nai, Kanou/Ayase: topping from the bottom - "I didn't know you had it in you..."
Don't Have Much Room.
and then you bring me home
and we go to sleep
but this time not alone
and i know
and you'll kiss me in your living room
i know you miss me in your living room
cuz these nights i think
maybe that i miss you in my living room
but we dont have much room
i said does anybody need that room
because we all need a little more room
"Konstantine" Something Corporate
Ayase knows that, on his own, this isn't what he would've chosen. If he had been able to have a choice, he would have worked every single day every minute he could until he had paid Kanou-san every single penny he had owed him. If he had been able to choose, Ayase would have never chosen this – laying on Kanou-san's bed, moaning as Kanou-san thrusts inside him, breathing through his open mouth, his own cock hard and feeling as if he was going to break.
Now... if he could, he still would like something else. Not because he hates Kanou-san (because sometimes Kanou-san is so kind, so sweet, and sometimes he looks as if he was hurt and Ayase isn't sure what he did to hurt him like that, just that he hurts a little, too) and not even because he dislikes... the sex (because he doesn't, for all that when he realizes that he blushes hard). But mainly because... well. Just because. He has even stopped making excuses about why he likes it because then he gets too close to thinking 'because it's Kanou-san' and that's scarier than scary
But perhaps because... because if it was different, he wouldn't feel like a thing for Kanou-san. Ayase thinks that Kanou-san doesn't mind him terribly – they wouldn't have sex if he did, right? And surely Kanou-san wouldn't be so... well, so Kanou-san if he hated him – but Ayase still worries because, if he could... he'd like to not be a thing, to Kanou-san.
Ayase hasn't seen Kanou san in almost two weeks. Some business or the other, and Ayase knows that he won't like the answer so he doesn't ask, but the place seems too huge and empty and cold.
They, also, haven't had sex in those two weeks, because most of the time Kanou-san doesn't even come to the apartment and, when he does and it's to sleep and it's still night, Kanou-san just curls behind him and he presses a hot, wet kiss at the back of his neck that might be the start for more, but before Ayase can actually wake up, Kanou-san has fallen asleep.
So he's of course surprised when it's the middle of the afternoon and Kanou-san drops in, taking off his shoes, looking weary and far too exhausted, which makes him worry.
“Kanou-san!” He smiles, happier than he should to see him. Ayase starts untangling himself from the blanket he had on as he watched a movie, trying to stand up. “I'll warm you something to eat.”
“Don't bother, I'm not hungry.” Kanou-san says, taking off his tie and sitting heavily on the couch, head thrown back. “Draw me a bath, would you?”
“Ah, yes, of course,” Ayase says, a slight frown upon his face even as he hurries to do as Kanou-san asks.
He thinks that he would like it, if he wasn't a thing for Kanou-san because. Because then he wouldn't have to worry that someday he'll be thrown away. That once Kanou-san gets tired of him, he'll just...
Ayase shakes his head. It's an ugly thought and a very unfair one when Kanou-san has been. Well. Mostly he has been Kanou-san, which encompass kindness and rudeness and violence and fright and sometimes this weird tenderness that seems to wrap itself around Ayase's heart until he can't almost breathe.
Kanou-san mostly uses the shower, most of the times too busy to soak in the tub, but once the water is warm and he has put some of the bath-salts that Kanou-san likes, Ayase walks outside and finds out that Kanou-san has fallen asleep on the couch while still sitting down, exhaustion over all his face.
Ayase bites his lip for a moment. He's been living with Kanou-san for almost two years, now, and he wonders about what little freedome he can call his own. Using all his courage, Ayase retreats to the bedroom for a moment before coming back, and he stops himself from feeling guilty as he drops to his knees between Kanou-san's legs, looking at the way he sleeps for a few moments before he starts working his trousers open, tugging on them just enough to free Kanou-san's cock.
He curls the fingers of one hand over Kanou-san's cock and he starts stroking slowly, his other hand curled over his balls, and Ayase stops feeling guilty when Kanou-san's cock starts hardening at his touch. Licking his lips, his nerves still fluttering inside his chest, Ayase leans forward and licks at the head of Kanou's cock, moves his mouth down his length and wets it with his tongue, teases the sensitive spot under his cock the way Kanou-san likes before taking him in his mouth. Kanou-san is too big for him to take his whole cock in his mouth, even with two years of experience, but Ayase takes as much as he can and he keeps moving his hand in synch with his tongue, his other hand over Kanou-san's thigh.
Kanou-san gives a low, long sigh and his hips start moving, but at least Ayase knows enough of this to withdraw, even though that means that Kanou-san's sigh turns into a growl. Ayase still waits until his eyes flutter open. He can't quite glare but he tightens his fingers around the base of Kanou-san's cock, his lips barely brushing the tip of his cock.
“Kanou-san,” he starts, and he does his best to keep his voice from trembling too much. “Are you going to let me do this or not?”
Ayase decides that even if later Kanou-san is upset with him, it's worthy for the way surprise and need flares in his eyes before Kanou-san chuckles and shakes his head, apparently amused.
“Fucking brat. Go on.”
He smiles for a moment before he moves to stand up, and if his hands tremble he ignores it for the way Kanou-san is looking at him, letting him do this. Ayase lets his trousers fall down and he steps away from them, his own cock hard, even as he moves forward to straddle Kanou-san's lap, reaching for the lube he had left besides Kanou-san's legs.
“No,” he shakes his head as Kanou seems to want to reach for it, and if he's blushing – and trembling – Ayase tells himself that this time it's completely his choice to do this, that right now even if Kanou-san wanted it, he also wants it and that must count for something as well. “I'll do it.”
He doesn't look at Kanou san as he squeezes some lube on his fingers, bracing one hand against Kanou-san's chest before he reaches behind him, breath hitching as his own fingers touch his asshole and he pushes one, moaning as he works himself open. Ayase doesn't dare look towards Kanou's face, not when he can feel his eyes on him, when he can feel his cock brushing his own for the way he's straddling him, when Kanou's hands have curled around his thighs almost bruisingly.
When he has worked three fingers inside him, he's so hard that he thinks he's going to come immediately, and Kanou-san leans his head against him, voice rough like dark velvet.
“Didn't know you had it in you.” Is that need in Kanou-san's voice?
Ayase swallows and stops fingering himself, gets some more lube on his hand and then he strokes Kanou-san's cock up and down to cover it and then he hitches himself forward until Kanou's cock is nudging at his hole.
It always hurts at first, no matter how careful Kanou-san is: he's too big and he's... not, and Ayase still moans, though, willing his body to relax, curling as close to Kanou-san's body as he can until he feels like he can move, slowly, slower than Kanou-san likes it but right now Ayase wants it like this. He breathes a kiss against Kanou-san's neck as he starts to move, breathes his name in a moan and in a gasp when it starts feeling good.
Kanou-san is looking at him the way he almost never does – something like tenderness in his eyes even as his jaw is set tight, and Ayase wonders if he's angry at him before Kanou-san leans forward to kiss him hard, his tongue moving inside his mouth the way Ayase isn't letting his cock move inside him. Ayase gasps and does his best to kiss back, and he moves faster, a hand still curled over Kanou-san's shoulder, moving his other hand to his erection and stroke himself fast and hard.
Ayase feels like coming long before he actually does, and when he does he feels his eyes glaze over at the raw need that Kanou-san is showing, and he wonders if Kanou-san knows that, he wonders if it'd be okay if he asked Kanou-san to let him stay even when he pays his debt, if it'd be alright to ask Kanou-san if he could just stay. He comes with a moan of Kanou-san's name and then he sort of collapses against his chest, not sure of anything else even as he feels Kanou-san now thrusting the way he likes, hard and fast.
And he's not sure of much after that.
He gets back to himself when he feels water against his legs and hips and chest, and Ayase blinks when he realizes that his in the tub, set against Kanou-san's chest.
The strange look remains on Kanou-san's face, something that Ayase has seen before but he's still not sure what to call it.
“So you missed me, huh?”
Ayase blushes. He doesn't answer, but he snuggles against the width of Kanou-san's chest, so that he feels more like see Kanou's 'heh' smile, so that all that he gets is Kanou's arm wrapping around his waist, keeping him there.